Part Two

I don’t know if there is some filmophile chef out there who thought about naming dishes after films he enjoyed, so I’m going to go ahead and presume there is at least one such person, and to him I say: Bonjour (because, of course, he’s French), forget about all that Bande à part roast and the Une femme est une femme mousse and let’s concentrate on something a bit more recent and less snobby. Here are, for your free use, kind monsieur or madame, six films inspired more or less delicious dishes. You’re welcome.

3. Atlas Cloud

The film

It’s a bold try, really. I wish more film makers would take their job so seriously and try to be as innovative as the Wachowskis. That way, even when the result isn’t quite what it should be, you still find yourself rooting for them. At least they tried something different.

This film consists of several interconnected stories, happening a long time apart from each other and can be seen as some sort of anamnesis, the tracing of a soul (several, in this case) through different embodiments, until it reaches salvation. This is a really interesting philosophical issue, and maybe it would have worked in a series, definitely in a book, however, in Cloud Atlas it’s the separate stories that you’re more interested in.  Be it a dystopic Sci-Fi about clone slavery, a 70s thriller following a conspiration theory or a 19^th century story about the friendship between an attorney and an African slave, each segment is well thought and craftily put together in a way that manages to connect them all, if only with a thin line.

photo collider.com

The dish

Before starting preparing this dish, take a vacation. Don’t just call in sick for a day or two, because that won’t suffice. Just take a bloody vacation (Yes, I’m using a British “bad word” because it sounds cool, it’s not like you have to resume to American slang if English is not your first language, shut up. Also, I apologize for this really long aside, you can just reread the beginning of the sentence and skip this nonsense.), you’ll need it. Because it’s going to take an awfully long time to do this properly.

First of all, you need to sit down and think. I mean, really think, try to open up your mind to the mysteries of the universe, try to put some kind of order in this mess of a world we’re living in. After about a week and a half you should reach the conclusion that there is no such order, so just crawl out of your chair and do what you always do in times of despair: open the fridge. Take out everything inside, place all the items gently on your kitchen table and look at them. What do they all have in common? Well, peas and salad are both green. Great! We’re already progressing. What else? Corn flour (I won’t ask why you keep corn flour in the fridge, although it’s a bit weird) is made of corn… which kinda looks like peas. Wonderful! You need to dry up the corn before making corn flour, just like you need to do with grapes in order to have raisins. You know what else you can make with grapes? Grape cake. Who likes cake? Children, just like those baby squids in the freezer (except for the human or alive part, isn’t that a funny thing, we are all so alike). And what else could have become some kind of baby? Eggs. What used to be a baby, before getting really fat and dying horribly? Sausages! Amazing, so everything in the universe IS related!

photo www.razvang.ro

Now you just NEED to share this jolly piece of news with everyone you know, so invite them over for dinner in about three weeks’ time. Why three weeks, you ask? Oh, silly newcomer to the realm of fine cuisine. It’s not like you just throw it all in a pot and stir. No, no, no. You have to take all the 17,000 peas and wash them separately, then dry them with a towel made of butterfly wings. You have to cut every piece of salad milimetrically, so that each and every one is the perfect size for a fork to stab and roll around itself precisely one and a half times. Find out what Joan Collins is taking and inject that into the squids, so that they look more lively. We’re not playing here. I think you know what I mean, just be extra careful with every part of this recipe. THEN put everything in a pot and stir. There you go, Cloud Atlas Stew, everybody!

photo www.bbc.co.uk

Your costumers will be utterly flabbergasted. Their reactions will never bore you, because they will all be as individually unique as snowflakes. Some will enjoy the grape cake, others the peas, some will advise you to maybe make a different dish from every separate ingredient, most will feel frustrated that they didn’t actually get to enjoy any of them, given there was so little of each. A couple of people will even understand your point about the universe being connected and all.

But mainly, this one is mostly for you, for your inner growth and self image – you know you worked hard to produce a well thought, not cheap (it takes a lot of money to get eternal youth juice for those squids), barely comprehensible dish, which will stay with you forever. That’s more than we can say about the people eating it – it will go straight through them, if you catch my drift. It’s unfortunate, I know, because you’re a talented chef. Just keep it simpler next time, ok?

Here is a list of characters and stories:

Infographic
photo geektyrant.com

Here is the trailer:

Read part one here:

http://inhalemag.com/six-more-or-less-delicious-films-and-their-food-equivalents/

by Alexa Băcanu

Alexa Băcanu is a private investigator and awesome mercenary. Interests: everything (except Math and most people). She doesn’t write anywhere else (no one other than us would let her) except in her diary and on public bathroom walls.